The restaurant was beautiful. Candlelight, white linen, the murmur of civilized conversation. The sommelier was, predictably, a tall, reedy man with a waxed mustache who looked at our wine list choices like we’d insulted his ancestors. Julian, with his surgical charm, deflected him perfectly. The lamb was transcendent. For forty-five minutes, I was almost free.
He paid. I don’t remember the walk to the car. I remember the cold air hitting my face, and then the blessed silence of the leather interior. Julian drove. He didn’t touch me. He didn’t speak. He knows that touch and sound are fuel for the fire when I’m in the white-hot center of a panic attack. He just drove us home, his presence a solid, silent planet in the driver’s seat. master salve gay blog
I should have told him then. I should have said the word. But the giddiness was a powerful drug. I wanted to be normal for him. I wanted to go to a nice restaurant without a pre-game strategy session in the car. I wanted to be the partner he deserved, not the project he was managing. The restaurant was beautiful
“And did I hold you up tonight?”
It’s about the radical, breathtaking intimacy of being truly owned. And owning, in return, the keeper of your peace. Julian, with his surgical charm, deflected him perfectly